I don't think about the future terribly often... well not into the far away future... cause then I think about quickly the last 31 years have gone by... and that makes me incredibly nervous.. cause man, I remember being 20.. looking at a credit card statement that I absolutely couldn't pay.. thinking wow 7 whole years for this to fall off my credit if I don't pay it... that is soooo far away... and zip... 11 years goes by... What the heck!? Pause already... or at least slow down...
That said... my man-child will be 13 this year!! I wish I had lied to him about his age back when he was 8ish... Dom is def turning 4 next year instead of 6... not sure how that will go over with him yet.. we'll see :)
I am coming to this place in my life where I am just trying to be content.. not just in the moment... but in life. I have tons of moments of pure contentment, bliss even... One perfect glance from the wee-one... or a special connect with the man-child.... and I am mesmerized.. in awe of how blessed I am. But it is the moments in between... the lonely times.. or when money isn't growing on trees like I need it to... when there isn't anyone to share in my struggles... those times I have to make a choice.. to pity or not to pity ones self..
In the times I choose pity partying... instead of overcoming the doubt or frustration... I feel like Alice spiralling downward... And then dawn comes... And with renewed resolve I promise myself next time, I will not fall into that chasm. I know I can do it.... I just can't figure out if helping to choose the joyous route means looking forward to the future, living in the moment... I know it isn't dwelling on the past... So that is something right? LOL
In other news... Dominic informed me yesterday that something he was waiting on was taking a long time... the way he explained it "she taking long time, like a lunch"... Thank you Lord for blessing me with children who bring so much joy and humor to my life.
I love you, friend.
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