i hope that if you are reading this you already know that i have been blessed with two beautiful boys... if you don't already know this please stop reading this and delete yourself from my friends list cause you are a stranger!!
for years i lived my life exactly how i wanted to, not giving any thought to anyone else, or how my choices might affect them. i will only say this once so everyone can be aware of where i stand on this issue.. God intended for children to be born to a man and a woman who are married and have intimate relationship with Him. That said, all of you should know that this is not at all how my children's lives turned out...
every single day i look at my kids and the realizations floods in... i gave them a life without a father and that is not fair to them.. this is not one of those life isn't fair statements... at all. this is a mixture of things.. with fathers day coming and going once again i realize that i am blessed with the best father one could have, and my children do not have that. and then come the stupid comments from people who make anthony feel foolish or stupid because his dad isn't in his or dom's life... seriously if you do not know what to say to a child on fathers day who doesn't have a dad... just give them a hug and say nothing at all. trust me it is better than saying something that makes them begin to question why they do not have their father in their lives.. my children do not have their father in their lives because of the choices i made and the choices their father made. it has nothing to do with their value or what they deserve. they deserve to wake up every single day to a dad who loves them in the moments they fail and succeed, and who cherishes the time he can spend with them. this is not a blame game.. their dad isn't saved and it isn't about bashing him at all...
i am responsible for giving my children the legacy they will live with every day for the rest of their lives. i cannot change that and unless you are where i am, you can never understand how badly i wish that i could. do not misunderstand me... my children are well adjusted happy kids most of the time. but as they grow and have questions about why their lives look different than all their friends... i am left to ponder how it would have been if... the ifs go on and on..
i am thankful everyday (and yes i mean everyday) for the ones that are committed to my children and who love them when they absolutely do not have to. you make a difference in my children's lives and one day they will tell you that themselves. i think there should be a day that is for the surrogate uncles/aunts that choose to share their lives and love with children who are not their own..
anthony is just coming to an age of realization and understanding... he will have more questions and make his own conclusions... but because he is so loved by the adults in his life i hope that he never questions his value. i want him to know that he is a blessing and my life would greatly suffer if he weren't in it.
so to conclude this train wreck of a note... to each of you who love my children, and you know who you are... you may not know how different my children's lives are because you are a part of it. but one day they will share it with you. you deserve a day to celebrate what you do.. and i shall tell obama ;)
brothers... such a beautiful thing :)
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